Feel like everything keeps getting slightly better then fucking up all over again.. I'm currently trying to find a home and also sell all my stuff just so I can afford somewhere to live and for stuff to eat.
I'm hating everything around me right now because everything makes me feel worse about my self I do stupid things its usually a spur of the moment kind of thing but something I wanted to do for a really really long time but I feel bad about it.

I feel like what I want and what I get are completely different things even though what I want isn't that much to ask for.. I don't care much for big fancy houses and flashy cars, I don't need the most fashionable of clothing I don't need millions of friends all I wan't is someone to talk to in a flat that feels comfortable with a family who could talk to me..
I would love to be able to feel something for someone without it being a bad thing..


It's 3am so I'm just going to stay awake go to the housing for more help about stuff then work.. gonna be shattered but it has to be all done..

I just wish I could just relive friday-saturday against.. having friends and just bursting my heart out to them.. I woke up last night remembering everything from the Friday and just talking to people about my problems felt amazing feeling like I can open up to people without it coming back at me later on.